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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
World
Misery
Recreation
Fatiguing
Except
Inventor
Banquet
Food
Sustained
Banquets
Probably
Detail
Furnish
Body
Distress
Acute
Thing
Culinary
Harassment
Long
Cooking
Weariness
Mind
Details
Overlooked
Recreations

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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
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You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
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Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.
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We are always too busy for our children we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie I can, but I won't.
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