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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Fetch
Corpse
Corpses
Fresh
Nice
Death

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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book- a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, for it had a new story to tell every day.
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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Being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.
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When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
Mark Twain