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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Fetch
Corpse
Corpses
Fresh
Nice
Death

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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
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No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.
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The southerner talks music.
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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
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We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
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The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie I can, but I won't.
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Tough times teach trust.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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It’s not the good that die young, it’s the lucky.
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