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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
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Autobiographer
Humorist
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Science Fiction Writer
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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London
More quotes by Mark Twain
Those people.... early stricken of God, intellectually - the departmental interpreters of the laws in Washington... can always be depended on to take any reasonably good law and interpret the common sense all out of it.
Mark Twain
I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.
Mark Twain
The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.
Mark Twain
If one is honest there is no need to remember.
Mark Twain
All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
Mark Twain
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
Mark Twain
Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
Mark Twain
It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
Mark Twain
The truth hurts, but silence kills.
Mark Twain
Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
Mark Twain
Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
Mark Twain
No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
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I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases
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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Mark Twain
...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
Mark Twain
What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
Mark Twain
Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.
Mark Twain
Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.
Mark Twain
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Mark Twain