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Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Bed
Early
Wise

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Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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We are always too busy for our children we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
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It's not as bad as it sounds.
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Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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Humor is man's greatest blessing.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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It is easier to manufacture seven facts out of whole cloth than one emotion.
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
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A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
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A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
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The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.
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You want to be very careful about lying otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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