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I was born modest not all over, but in spots.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Modest
Spots
Relation
Born

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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
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I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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in order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and all-sufficient 'people say.'
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
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My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.
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