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If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Seriously
Dead
Ought
Living
Take
Epitaphs
Resurrect
Epitaph
Bury

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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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Names are not always what they seem.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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The exquisitely bad is as satisfying to the soul as the exquisitely good. Only the mediocre is unendurable.
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The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.
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Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.
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There are no wild animals until man makes them so.
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