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The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Gives
Testaments
Interesting
Afterward
Religion
Deity
Two
Deities
Giving
Appeared
Way
Testament
People
Picture
Atheism

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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
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I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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Bridgeport? Said I. Camelot, Said he.
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It is impossible that a genius - at least a literary genius - can ever be discovered by his intimates they are so close to him that he is out of focus to them and they can't get at his proportions they can't perceive that there is any considerable difference between his bulk and their own.
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval - a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.
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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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You cannot have all chiefs you gotta have Indians too. Perfect love cannot be without equality. A friend to everybody and to nobody is the same thing. We are all alike, on the inside.
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We are all beggars, each in his own way.
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