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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Taxes
Fine
Wrong
Funny
Wells
Well

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
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To gnaw on is human, towards digest, divine.
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He gossips habitually he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.
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There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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Be good and you'll be lonesome
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience.
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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