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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Funny
Wells
Well
Taxes
Fine
Wrong
More quotes by Mark Twain
I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
Mark Twain
There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children.
Mark Twain
Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.
Mark Twain
There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
Mark Twain
Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
Mark Twain
Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
Mark Twain
The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works.
Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.
Mark Twain
All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
Mark Twain
Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.
Mark Twain
I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.
Mark Twain
The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.
Mark Twain
Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
Mark Twain
We need not worry so much about what man descends from it's what he descends to that shames the human race.
Mark Twain
A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.
Mark Twain
There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.
Mark Twain
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
Mark Twain
There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.
Mark Twain
It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
Mark Twain