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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Aunt
Cross
Crosses
Hump
Fun
Mustn
Funny
Backed
Another
Eyed
Make
Uncle
Men
Uncles
More quotes by Mark Twain
I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
Mark Twain
People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
Mark Twain
When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.
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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.
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They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
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... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
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Morals are not the important thing-nor enlightenment-nor civilization. A man can do absolutely well without them, but he can't do without something to eat. The supremest thing is the need of the body, not of the mind and spirit.
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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.
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Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.
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The catfish is Plenty good enough fish for anyone
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You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
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Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
Mark Twain
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
Mark Twain
Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
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