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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Make
Uncle
Men
Uncles
Aunt
Cross
Crosses
Hump
Fun
Mustn
Funny
Backed
Another
Eyed

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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
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To gnaw on is human, towards digest, divine.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the what is next, of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, political, or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies.
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Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.
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Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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Those who do not read the news are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed.
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The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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