Quote

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

Mark Twain

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Cross
Crosses
Hump
Fun
Mustn
Funny
Backed
Another
Eyed
Make
Uncle
Men
Uncles
Aunt

More quotes by Mark Twain

Image
There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
Mark Twain
Image
I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
Mark Twain
Image
Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
Mark Twain
Image
I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.
Mark Twain
Image
The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
Mark Twain
Image
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
Image
Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.
Mark Twain
Image
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
Mark Twain
Image
He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
Mark Twain
Image
You cannot have all chiefs you gotta have Indians too. Perfect love cannot be without equality. A friend to everybody and to nobody is the same thing. We are all alike, on the inside.
Mark Twain
Image
Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.
Mark Twain
Image
There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.
Mark Twain
Image
I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
Mark Twain
Image
We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
Mark Twain
Image
A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
Mark Twain
Image
A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.
Mark Twain
Image
The critic's symbol should be the tumble-bug: he deposits his egg in somebody else's dung, otherwise he could not hatch it.
Mark Twain
Image
I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
Mark Twain
Image
History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
Mark Twain
Image
... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
Mark Twain