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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Another
Eyed
Make
Uncle
Men
Uncles
Aunt
Cross
Crosses
Hump
Fun
Mustn
Funny
Backed

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I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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To eat is human, to digest, divine
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Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right. God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain).
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
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If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
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Your actions speak so much louder than words.
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I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
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The lightning there is peculiar it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.
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The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.
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If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
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We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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