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Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Guides
Master
Jokes
Masters
American
Cannot
Subtleties
Subtlety
Joke
More quotes by Mark Twain
I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.
Mark Twain
There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.
Mark Twain
He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Mark Twain
Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
Mark Twain
Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours.
Mark Twain
Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.
Mark Twain
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Mark Twain
Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
Mark Twain
Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
Mark Twain
Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
Mark Twain
The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
Mark Twain
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent.
Mark Twain
Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
Mark Twain
when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
Mark Twain
To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
Mark Twain
When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.
Mark Twain
France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.
Mark Twain
I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
Mark Twain
