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Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain

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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain
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But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
Mark Twain
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
Mark Twain
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
Mark Twain
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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
Mark Twain
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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
Mark Twain
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.
Mark Twain
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
Mark Twain
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
Mark Twain
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
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In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
Mark Twain
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Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.
Mark Twain
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
Mark Twain
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He had only one vanity he thought he could give advice better than any other person.
Mark Twain
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Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
Mark Twain
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Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.
Mark Twain
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I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.
Mark Twain