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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Dollars
Million
Worth
Humor
Cent
Wasn
Cents
Millions
Investing
Two
Economics
Years
Debt

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent.
Mark Twain
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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
Mark Twain
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
Mark Twain
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
Mark Twain
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
Mark Twain
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
Mark Twain
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We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
Mark Twain
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When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.
Mark Twain
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There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
Mark Twain
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
Mark Twain
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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.
Mark Twain
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... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
Mark Twain
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To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
Mark Twain
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
Mark Twain
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Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
Mark Twain
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
Mark Twain
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
Mark Twain
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Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn
Mark Twain
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
Mark Twain