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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Snore
Snoring
Hear
Find
Way

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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
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Few of us stand prosperity another man's I mean.
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The Mississippi River will always have its own way no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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It is wiser to find out than to suppose.
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