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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Way
Snore
Snoring
Hear
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The report of my death was an exaggeration.
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The ignorant are afraid to betray surprise or admiration...they think it ill manners.
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Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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But old fools is the biggest fools there is.
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed.
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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
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Being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.
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Few of us stand prosperity another man's I mean.
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
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Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest?
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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