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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Snoring
Hear
Find
Way
Snore

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A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public
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I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly but their wives had grown old. These were good women it is very wearing to be good.
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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there.
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Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
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We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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The ignorant are afraid to betray surprise or admiration...they think it ill manners.
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To forget pain is to be painless to forget care is to be rid of it to go abroad is to accomplish both.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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