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To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Original
Create
Idea
Ideas
Tautology
Men
Quaint
Sheep
Add
Originals

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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
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The solution to our water problems is more rain.
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I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.
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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.
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I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded how much he had learned in the last seven years.
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It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.
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Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.
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On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
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The southerner talks music.
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