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A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hands
Likely
May
Consequence
Come
Plan
Nothing
Circumstances
Matter
Plans
Much
Steps
Magician
Men
Wants
Circumstance
Takes
Planning

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Intellectual ''work'' is misnamed it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.
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I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.
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If one is honest there is no need to remember.
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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
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If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.
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Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of smartness--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artifici
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When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by violence.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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Never do wrong when people are looking.
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A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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