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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Trying
Sounds
Time
Heavy
Eternal
Rest
Sound
Hands
Pulpit
Wells
Comforting
Well
Hang

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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
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The critic's symbol should be the tumble-bug: he deposits his egg in somebody else's dung, otherwise he could not hatch it.
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
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Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.
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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.
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When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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Education is what remains when what is learned has been taken away.
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Frankness is a jewel only the young can afford it.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.
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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
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