Quote

Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Presence
Slip
Six
Pink
Eight
Trip
Blue
Cents
Buff
Brother
Slips
Fare
Three
Brothers
Conductor
Care
Nonsense
Punch
Receive
Cent

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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
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It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.
Mark Twain
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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race.
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do.
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
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The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
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