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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Tell
Newspaper
Makes
Newspapers
Anything
Command
Trying
Noise
Omaha
Men
Bigger
Alphas
Higher
Alpha
Less
Commands
Business
Salary

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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours.
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
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I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses never, I believe, by people.
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Among other common lies, we have the silent lie - the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.
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