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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Humans
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More quotes by Mark Twain
Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.
Mark Twain
The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
Mark Twain
Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
Mark Twain
Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
Mark Twain
A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
Mark Twain
Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.
Mark Twain
This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which I saw myself as a child and as a youth.
Mark Twain
for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.
Mark Twain
You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do
Mark Twain
By trampling upon the helpless abroad with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like at home.
Mark Twain
Loyalty is a word which has worked vast harm for it has been made to trick men into being loyal to a thousand iniquities, whereas the true loyalty should have been to themselves - in which case there would have ensured a rebellion, and the throwing off of that deceptive yoke.
Mark Twain
If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.
Mark Twain
Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
Mark Twain
Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to.
Mark Twain
So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
Mark Twain
The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to institutions are extraneous. . . .
Mark Twain
Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.
Mark Twain