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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Human
Cosmic
Humans
Joke
Great
Jokes
Men
Marriage
Race
Together
Women
Live
Requiring

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The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried to grab it.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
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Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.
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Among other common lies, we have the silent lie - the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.
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God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
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It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals.
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It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.
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The smallest minds and the selfishest souls and the cowardliest hearts that God makes.
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When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.
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Honor is a harder master than the law.
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Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
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You want to be very careful about lying otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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