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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Race
Together
Women
Live
Requiring
Human
Cosmic
Humans
Joke
Great
Jokes
Men
Marriage
More quotes by Mark Twain
The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
Mark Twain
Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.
Mark Twain
Some things you can't find out but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.
Mark Twain
The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
Mark Twain
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Mark Twain
There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
Mark Twain
The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
Mark Twain
The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
Mark Twain
More than once I had seen a noble who had gotten his enemy at a disadvantage stop to pray before cutting his throat.
Mark Twain
Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
Mark Twain
Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Mark Twain
Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
Mark Twain
... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
Mark Twain
Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail.
Mark Twain
I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
Mark Twain
One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
Mark Twain
A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.
Mark Twain
Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
Mark Twain
To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
Mark Twain
What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
Mark Twain
