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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Self
Conceited
First
Comrade
Thing
Conceit
Make
Stomach
Men
Nearly
Seasick
Behave
Peculiarly
Sea
Insufferable
Firsts
Comrades

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I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
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You cannot have all chiefs you gotta have Indians too. Perfect love cannot be without equality. A friend to everybody and to nobody is the same thing. We are all alike, on the inside.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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The report of my death was an exaggeration.
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
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The Bible is a wonderful book you can prove anything you want with it.
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I am living a new and exalted life of late. It steeps me in a sacred rapture to see a portrait develop and take soul under my hand. First, I throw off a study - just a mere study, a few apparently random lines - and to look at it you would hardly ever suspect who it was going to be even I cannot tell, myself.
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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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It's not as bad as it sounds.
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Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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