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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Make
Stomach
Men
Nearly
Seasick
Behave
Peculiarly
Sea
Insufferable
Firsts
Comrades
Self
Conceited
First
Comrade
Thing
Conceit

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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.
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These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death.
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.
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Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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I like Joan of Arc best of all my books and it is the best I know it perfectly well.
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