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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Calamity
Prepared
Comes
Never

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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.
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It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. Give them to others-that's my motto.
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Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, political, or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
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There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to.
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders.
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Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.
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Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book- a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, for it had a new story to tell every day.
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After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.
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Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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