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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Calamity
Prepared
Comes
Never

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when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.
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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.
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Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
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...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.
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The law of work does seem utterly unfair-but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, too.
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return
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When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.
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If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.
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Names are not always what they seem.
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What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
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