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I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Happened
Whether
Funny
Back
Better
Find
Things
Sarcasm
Sarcastic

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I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
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Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake he wanted it because it was forbidden.
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Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.
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I said nothing of the sort.
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Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
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What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery!
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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The smallest minds and the selfishest souls and the cowardliest hearts that God makes.
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Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.
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I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me he can't be any worse.
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark Twain