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I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Whether
Funny
Back
Better
Find
Things
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Happened

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You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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In love, you pay as you leave.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
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You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives. You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.
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How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again!
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The funniest things are the forbidden.
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In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.
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We need not worry so much about what man descends from it's what he descends to that shames the human race.
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.
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My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.
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There isn't any way to libel the human race.
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present you should have recognized them earlier.
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