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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Drop
Corrects
World
Credit
Correction
Bible
Procession
Failing
Corrected
Church
Corrections
Tail
Also
Tails
Take
Fails
Never

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
Mark Twain
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None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favour at the same time. There are many asses.
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!
Mark Twain
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Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. You cannot eliminate habits that no longer serve you. You can only replace them with new habits that support your goals. Moment by moment, you need to live with awareness and structure the habits that you include or exclude in your days.
Mark Twain
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Mark Twain
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time.
Mark Twain
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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
Mark Twain
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
Mark Twain
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane not in all things, but in religious matters.
Mark Twain
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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Mark Twain
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If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.
Mark Twain
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
Mark Twain
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
Mark Twain
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
Mark Twain
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
Mark Twain
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.
Mark Twain
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The smallest minds and the selfishest souls and the cowardliest hearts that God makes.
Mark Twain
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Mark Twain
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Is a person's public and private opinion the same? It is thought there have been instances.
Mark Twain
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
Mark Twain