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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
World
Drop
Corrects
Credit
Correction
Bible
Procession
Failing
Corrected
Church
Corrections
Also
Tail
Take
Tails
Never
Fails

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...heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
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The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
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When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.
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We never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudiced.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
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If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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Except a person be part coward, it is not a compliment to say he is brave.
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Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
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There are many humorous things in the world among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
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Comedy keeps the heart sweet but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
Mark Twain