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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Prove
Science
Anything
Come
Without
Men
Loaded
Noticed
Statistics

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There are many humorous things in the world among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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Troubles are only mental it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.
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The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.
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I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
Mark Twain
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The ignorant are afraid to betray surprise or admiration...they think it ill manners.
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Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.
Mark Twain
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The truth hurts, but silence kills.
Mark Twain
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
Mark Twain