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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Noticed
Statistics
Prove
Science
Anything
Come
Without
Men
Loaded

More quotes by Mark Twain

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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.
Mark Twain
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
Mark Twain
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
Mark Twain
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Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.
Mark Twain
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
Mark Twain
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Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
Mark Twain
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I like Joan of Arc best of all my books and it is the best I know it perfectly well.
Mark Twain
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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
Mark Twain
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Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
Mark Twain
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
Mark Twain
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
Mark Twain
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark Twain
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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.
Mark Twain