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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Loaded
Noticed
Statistics
Prove
Science
Anything
Come
Without

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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.
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We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
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...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
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The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.
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Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake he wanted it because it was forbidden.
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Surely the test of a novel's characters is that you feel a strong interest in them and their affairs the good to be successful, the bad to suffer failure. Well, in John Ward, you feel no divided interest, no discriminating interest you want them all to land in hell together, and right away.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
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The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.
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Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
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When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.
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History may not repeat, but it often rhymes.
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