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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Grass
Skin
Skins
Rock
Lumpy
Large
Switzerland
Rocks
Stretched
Simply
Solid
Thin
More quotes by Mark Twain
I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.
Mark Twain
The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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There is no other life life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.
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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
Mark Twain
No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
Mark Twain
Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.
Mark Twain
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Each season brings a world of enjoyment and interest in the watching of its unfolding, its gradual harmonious development, its culminating graces-and just as one begins to tire of it, it passes away and a radical change comes, with new witcheries and new glories in its train.
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Frankness is a jewel only the young can afford it.
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
Mark Twain
I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
Mark Twain
I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.
Mark Twain
If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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