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To forget pain is to be painless to forget care is to be rid of it to go abroad is to accomplish both.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Painless
Abroad
Accomplish
Travel
Forget
Pain
Care

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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
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Comedy keeps the heart sweet but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
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Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.
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It's so damned humiliating.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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He had only one vanity he thought he could give advice better than any other person.
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Loyalty is a word which has worked vast harm for it has been made to trick men into being loyal to a thousand iniquities, whereas the true loyalty should have been to themselves - in which case there would have ensured a rebellion, and the throwing off of that deceptive yoke.
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When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.
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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
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