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There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Vulgarity
Refined
Vulgar
Quite
People

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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The insincerity of man-all men are liars, partial or hiders of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest man appears he is a comet-his fame is eternal-needs no genius, no talent-mere honesty
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... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!
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Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.
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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
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Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us.
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