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I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Relations
Friendly
Criminals
Relation
Taxes
Social
Whole
Taxation
People
Criminal

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All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot and there ain't any real difference between triplets and a insurrection. - The Babies speech 1879
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
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I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
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It is your human environment that makes climate
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Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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The smallest minds and the selfishest souls and the cowardliest hearts that God makes.
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You may say organize, organize, organize but there may be so much organization that it will interfere with the work to be done.
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