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I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Criminals
Relation
Taxes
Social
Whole
Taxation
People
Criminal
Relations
Friendly

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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
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One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning.
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The average man don't like trouble and danger.
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It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.
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Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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I can live for two months on a good compliment.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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To be satisfied with what one has that is wealth.
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Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.
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