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If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Humankind
Ashamed
Performance
Performances
Created
Humanity
Nature
Would

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Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience.
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
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I like Joan of Arc best of all my books and it is the best I know it perfectly well.
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You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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Out of the depths of my happy heart wells a great tide of love and prayer for this priceless treasure that is confided to my lifelong keeping. You cannot see its waves as they flow toward you, darling, but in these lines you will hear...the distant beating of its surf.
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Ours is the land of the free-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.)
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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