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If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Humankind
Ashamed
Performance
Performances
Created
Humanity
Nature
Would

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Time spent with your children is time wisely spent.
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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
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How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank.
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
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Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
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In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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