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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Would
Bags
Invented
Hide
Damn
Beings
Head
Human
Humans
Lecturer

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We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go
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From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.
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I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
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The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
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The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
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How empty is theory in the presence of fact!
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That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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