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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Humans
Patched
Nothing
Devised
Important
Joke
Time
Dull
Jokes
Race
Together
Human

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There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.
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I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me and they keep multiplying but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.
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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.
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I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which I saw myself as a child and as a youth.
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The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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