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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
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Autobiographer
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Journalist
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Opinion Journalist
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Science Fiction Writer
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain

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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.
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Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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There are no wild animals until man makes them so.
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare
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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed.
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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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Mark Twain