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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Lasts
Visited
Last
Statement
Funny
Sister
Woman
Statements
Wish
Humor
Inspirational
Week
Ugliest
Ever
Seen
Withdraw
Since
Stated

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.
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Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.
Mark Twain
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The lightning there is peculiar it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.
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Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.
Mark Twain
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Half of the results of a good intentions are evil half the results of an evil intention are good.
Mark Twain
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Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow nothing can prevent it.
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
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The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.
Mark Twain
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Never do wrong when people are looking.
Mark Twain
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There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
Mark Twain
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
Mark Twain
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It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on.
Mark Twain
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We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.
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I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.
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