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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Inspirational
Week
Ugliest
Ever
Seen
Withdraw
Since
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Funny
Sister
Woman
Statements
Wish
Humor

More quotes by Mark Twain

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We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.
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The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.
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When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself.
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Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.
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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.
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We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
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Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.
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To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.
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Morals are not the important thing-nor enlightenment-nor civilization. A man can do absolutely well without them, but he can't do without something to eat. The supremest thing is the need of the body, not of the mind and spirit.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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There are many humorous things in the world among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
Mark Twain
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!
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Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail.
Mark Twain
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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.
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Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together.
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