Quote

Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Taste
Vegetable
Child
Abide
Nothing
Distinguished
Children
Vegetables
Jackass
Fuel
Mule
Fairs
Illegitimate
Fair
Jackasses
Failure
Mules

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Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.
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It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.
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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.
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Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.
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We Americans are the most lavish and showiest and most luxury loving people on the earth and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
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I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
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Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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I said nothing of the sort.
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Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
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Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
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Be good and you will be lonely.
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Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.
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It is wiser to find out than to suppose.
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
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