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Humor is man's greatest blessing.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Blessing
Humor
Greatest
Practice
Men

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I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.
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Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.
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Out of the depths of my happy heart wells a great tide of love and prayer for this priceless treasure that is confided to my lifelong keeping. You cannot see its waves as they flow toward you, darling, but in these lines you will hear...the distant beating of its surf.
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Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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Start it at no particular time of your life wander at your free will all over your life talk only about the thing which interests you for the moment drop it the moment its interest threatens to pale.
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.
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I am content to be a bric-a-bracker and a Ceramiker.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.
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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
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Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.
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My own luck has been curious all my literary life I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.
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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
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No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
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It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.
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