Quote

When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Tell
Feel
Feller
Tellin
Feels
Chicago
Every
Expensive
Like
Devil
Perhaps
Purpose

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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There is only one expert who is qualified to examine the souls and the life of a people and make a valuable report - the native novelist. ... And when a thousand able novels have been written, there you have the soul of the people and not anywhere else can these be had.
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths
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In literature imitations do not imitate.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare
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The exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
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