Quote

When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Perhaps
Purpose
Tell
Feel
Feller
Feels
Tellin
Every
Chicago
Like
Expensive
Devil

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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.
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Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
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There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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First catch your Boer, then kick him.
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
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I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.
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Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
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There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
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